You don’t want to be alone when the sneaker waves come!
This is the second part of our guest series from Melissa Lefort on how the Invisible Load and burnout lead to a crushing sense of disconnection; a disconnection so deep it makes you question your inherent worth. (New here? Stop now and read last week's post, then come right back!)
This week, we’re focusing on a crisis among women and our collective power to heal it. Many high achieving women are silently grappling with exhaustion and isolation, but rigidly declare, “Nope, not me.” This fear of admitting vulnerability is often fueled by the pressure to project a “perfect life” in public.
The Real Cost of the Invisible Load
This emotional and cognitive burden isn't just "stress"; it's a measurable health issue. Studies show that women are 32% more likely to experience burnout than men. This is largely because we carry a disproportionate amount of the cognitive and emotional labor—the "remembering, planning, and anticipating" for the household and relationships. This invisible work leads to higher levels of depression, stress, and relationship dissatisfaction.
The good news? Connection is the counter-force to this crisis. Research confirms that strong social connections are vital for mental health, reducing anxiety and depression, and boosting self-esteem. In fact, a lack of connection is considered a greater detriment to health than smoking or obesity. As we begin to heal, our most crucial step is to turn outward and reach for a sister.
Your Journey: Bringing a Sister Out of the Isolation Fog
Individual work is essential—no one can heal your burnout for you. But recovering from disconnection is impossible in isolation. The act of reaching out and connecting, even in small ways, is how the healing begins.
In my recent video, my friend, my daughter, and I are nearly hit by what my friend, Dana, calls a "sneaker wave"—sneaker waves come up and try to drown you when you let your guard down. You are innocently watching the waves roll in and out from a safe vantage point, and when you least suspect it, a sneaker wave rushes in. Then you are fleeing for your life (or at least trying to avoid being soaked to the bone in freezing water). In the video, we all react differently, but we weather the wave together. No one can save you from a sneaker wave, but surviving it with your community makes it bearable–even if we all have different reactions to the sneaker waves.
When life’s big waves roll in, any connection is better than isolation and disconnection. As you recover, you will begin to see the sisters around you who are too exhausted to notice their own isolation.
Build Connection by Intentionally Reaching Out
Your recovery is your first priority, but you can build connection by intentionally reaching out. You have the power to make someone feel seen—the essential opposite of disconnection's painful invisibility.
Choose 1–2 people you feel may need a tug toward connection and try these simple, powerful strategies:
The Power of a Real Greeting: Skip the social media "like." Offer a genuine, old-fashioned "How are you?" with real eye contact and a smile. A brief, friendly exchange immediately makes someone feel acknowledged.
Genuine, Personal Compliments: Make them personal, but skip superficial comments. Try: "I love how you talk to your children—it’s so compassionate," or "The way you organized that event was so thoughtful."
Help by Doing: Actively look for ways to help: hold a door, offer to carry something when you see their hands are full, or stop to help them pick up dropped items. Simple, unsolicited action communicates value.
Small, Low-Pressure Invitations: Invite them for a short walk, a quick errand together, or a cup of tea—something that does not require a huge commitment. Disconnected people often reject big offers, but keep offering; the repeated invitation proves they are worthy of inclusion.
Ask for Their Story: Open a conversation beyond the routine. Use phrases that start with "Tell me..." such as, "Tell me what's been going on with you lately." It gives them space to share without feeling interrogated.
Acknowledging the "Unseen" Work: The most powerful form of recognition often comes from noticing the small, everyday efforts people make that usually go unmentioned. Take a moment to genuinely thank them for the little things: the way they always remember to refill the coffee pot, their consistent punctuality, or the cheerful tone they bring to an early meeting. When you acknowledge these small actions, you are essentially saying, "I see the effort you make, and it matters." This makes a person feel truly seen, not just for a major achievement, but for who they are and what they consistently contribute.
Our journey is individual, but our recovery is communal.
When you reach out to a sister experiencing disconnection, you are not saving her—you are simply creating the connection she needs to start saving herself.
Until next week, Sisters, keep working on the reclamation of you, and know that you are not alone.
Healing wishes,
Melissa
I hope you loved this third guest post from Melissa as much as I did. We’ll be sharing her insights weekly as we build toward our 2026 wellness retreat, created for high-achieving women who’ve been carrying too much for too long.
