Surviving Family Get-Togethers Without Burning Out
Reclaim Your Joy Blog Series | Guest post by Melissa LeFort | #4
This is the fourth part of our guest series from Melissa Lefort. This week, Melissa explains “The Tweakable Reset Playbook” —a compassionate, research-backed approach to navigating burnout triggers during the holidays by making small, doable shifts that help reset your nervous system and reconnect you to joy.
When Burnout Brings its Cousins to the Party
The holidays are kicking off this month and if you are coping with burnout, this season can feel like jumping from the proverbial frying pan into the fire! Tweakable resets are not a cure for burnout but they are a useful strategy that helps when life feels like a minefield of burnout triggers.
Burnout, anxiety, and depression could be described as first cousins, and as is the case with most family members, ignoring them only makes the holidays—and your daily life—more challenging.
For me, the first instinct was to push through the aftermath of burnout, choosing the "ignore" option for these unwelcome "cousins." I assumed that a major life change—like moving to another country and quitting my job as a teacher—would be the ultimate fix. I thought the simple physical removal from the stressors would be all I needed. However, the reality was stark: I still had to rebuild me and rediscover what I actually enjoyed doing in life. Way easier said than done!
I threw myself into new projects—making sourdough bread, starting my own kombucha, and creating a podcast–all things that my friends over the years had done. But my lack of patience and unwillingness to acknowledge the devastation the chronic stress had wreaked on every aspect of my life turned these into what they actually were–things others wanted me to do or suggested I do. Once they were complete or successful, I lost interest. They were "have-tos," not "want-tos."
The truth is, burnout is a genuine response to prolonged, unmanaged chronic stress, not a personal failing. While its symptoms can overlap with anxiety and depression (exhaustion, cynicism, reduced efficacy), recovery is about strategically and compassionately resetting your nervous system–and I had no idea how to do that.
It was only as I started using tweakable reset strategies that enabled me to get out of my head and the circular negative messages of burnout that I began to have the capacity to do the deeper work necessary to find joy again.
Know that what you are experiencing is your unique journey. It is important and needs attention. As we continue to cover the process of burnout recovery in the coming weeks, let's look at 4 research-backed, tweakable ways you can reset your nervous system when you're having an overwhelming family get-together.
Step 1: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
Burnout traps your nervous system in chronic stress. Rhythmic movement is a powerful, evidence-based tool to stimulate the vagus nerve and shift your system back toward calm. It's the first physical step out of a negative mental loop.
My Story:
I started small. It was one Pilates class that I had to walk to (and I was TERRIBLE at Pilates, by the way). This initial movement was so successful that it spurred a new habit: walking each day by myself. When the walks became a bit boring, I elevated the experience by researching uplifting podcasts and began listening to The Good Life Project as I walked.
Tweakable Reset:
Start with an activity that is accessible and you can commit to for just 15-20 minutes. If you can get your movement outside, even better, as time in nature further activates the parasympathetic system. The movement doesn't have to be intense; it just has to be consistent.
Step 2: Low-Stakes Engagement with Music & Flow
Mental exhaustion is driven by the inability to detach. Activities that allow you to enter a low-stakes "flow state"—where you are fully absorbed without the pressure of a deadline or a perfect outcome—are crucial for mental recovery.
My Story:
I was introduced to new music in my Pilates class (and agonizing muscle soreness), and I began to pay attention to what music inspired me to sing, dance, and lifted my mood (or helped me power through leg circles on the reformer). I created a playlist for days when I felt down, giving myself an instant mood lift or helping me complete an unpreferred task…like washing dishes!.
Tweakable Reset:
Music is an instant mental shortcut. Create a personal playlist of songs that you associate with positive memories or energy. This is a ready-made tool to quickly disrupt circular negative thoughts and invite the mental lightness needed to recharge.
Step 3: Listen for "Want-Tos" Over "Have-Tos"
The capacity to access joy and pursue your own interests—your "want-tos"—is a huge marker of burnout recovery. This is only possible when you’ve created enough emotional and mental space through successful resets
My Story:
The combination of movement and music "opened up enough of me" that I could finally hear my authentic self. My first "want to" was to grow plants from seeds (several seedlings died in this process and I did grow a fair amount of mold). My second was to start doing jigsaw puzzles. With every "want to" I brought back into my life, I found a bit more of me.
Tweakable Reset:
Think back to what you enjoyed before burnout set in. It doesn't have to be a big project. It could be reading a novel, doodling, or playing a short video game. Schedule just 15 minutes of an activity purely for joy, with zero pressure for productivity or perfection.
Step 4: Curate a Safe Social Support System
Social isolation and feeling misunderstood worsen burnout. Recovery requires intentionally seeking out connections that provide emotional validation—a genuine sense of safety and being heard.
My Story:
Honestly, I couldn't have done the work without the resets. They built the capacity that eventually allowed me to have the energy to find the right people to share my journey with. As I got stronger, I had the clarity to see who truly supported my healing and who diminished my experience.
Tweakable Reset:
Be intentional about who you share your vulnerability with. You are allowed to weed out those who inadvertently diminish your experience until you find a safe space—a trusted friend, a support group, or a professional. Remember, strong social support is an evidence-based buffer against the negative effects of stress.
Burnout recovery is not a sprint; it’s a process of gently and strategically rebuilding. It starts with small, powerful shifts that give you the energy to take the next step.
As we navigate the demands of this season—the endless to-do lists, the family dynamics, and the pressure to make everything 'perfect'—please remember that you are absolutely not walking this path alone. We’ve all felt that specific kind of burnout, and we are so genuinely, deeply glad you’re here with us, ready to grab those tweakable resets and give yourself the grace you deserve.
What is one tweakable reset you can commit to trying today to interrupt the cycle and nurture yourself?
Until next time,
Melissa
I hope you loved this guest post from Melissa as much as I did. We’ll be sharing her insights weekly as we build toward our 2026 wellness retreat, created for high-achieving women who’ve been carrying too much for too long.
Works Cited for Burnout Recovery Concepts (MLA 9th Edition)
Bakker, Arnold B., and Evangelia Demerouti. "Job Demands-Resources Theory: Taking Stock and Looking Forward." Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, vol. 22, no. 3, 2017, pp. 273–85.
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly. Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience. Harper & Row, 1990.
Porges, Stephen W. The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W. W. Norton & Company, 2011.
Ryan, Richard M., and Edward L. Deci. Self-Determination Theory: Basic Psychological Needs in Motivation, Development, and Wellness. Guilford Publications, 2017.
Taylor, Shelley E. "Social Support: A Review of Current Theory and Research." Handbook of Theories of Social Psychology, edited by Paul A. M. Van Lange, et al., SAGE Publications Ltd., 2011, pp. 574–94.
Ulrich, Roger S., et al. "Stress Recovery During Exposure to Natural and Urban Environments." Journal of Environmental Psychology, vol. 11, no. 3, 1991, pp. 201–30.
**A Note on Process: Some elements(but not all) of this post, including title ideas, editing, and compiling of research, were generated and refined with the assistance of a large language model (LLM) to help shape the final tone and phrasing.
