6 Steps to Overcome People Pleasing for the High Achieving Woman
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an evidence-based technique that focuses on changing negative thought patterns and behaviors. When it comes to overcoming people pleasing, there are several CBT strategies that can be helpful.
Identify Automatic Thoughts
People pleasing often stems from a belief that you need to make others happy to be accepted or loved. Identify any negative or unhelpful automatic thoughts that come up when you're in a situation where you feel the need to please others. Examples might include "I can't say no," or "If I don't do this, they won't like me."
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Once you've identified automatic thoughts, challenge them with evidence. For example, if you think "If I don't do this, they won't like me," ask yourself if that's really true. Have there been times when you've said no and people still liked you? Can you think of a time when someone else said no to you, and you still liked them?
Practice Assertiveness
People pleasing often involves avoiding conflict and prioritizing others' needs over your own. Practice assertiveness by expressing your needs and opinions in a calm and respectful manner. Use "I" statements (e.g. "I feel overwhelmed when I take on too much") instead of blaming others (e.g. "You always expect too much from me").
Set Boundaries
People pleasing can lead to feeling overwhelmed or burned out. Set clear boundaries by saying no when you need to, and prioritizing self-care activities that help you recharge.
Focus on Self-Acceptance
People pleasing often stems from a belief that you need to earn others' approval. Work on accepting yourself for who you are, rather than seeking validation from others.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind and understanding to yourself when you make mistakes or set boundaries. It's okay to make mistakes, and it's okay to prioritize your own needs. Practice self-compassion by speaking to yourself in a kind and supportive manner.
The Takeaway
Remember, breaking the habit of people pleasing takes awareness, time, and practice. Be patient with yourself, and celebrate small victories along the way.
Next Steps
If you’re ready to release the people pleasing that has led to resentment and feeling overloaded, let go of self-care guilt, and become confident in setting healthy boundaries with yourself and others, then I invite you to book a free Strategy Session. You’ll leave with actionable steps to stop overcommitting so you can feel more relaxed and less rushed- and protect guilt-free me-time. Let’s chat!
