Is it just me?
Reclaim Your Joy Blog Series | Guest post by Melissa LeFort | #1
This week’s guest post comes from Melissa Lefort, a teacher, writer, and longtime advocate for women’s well-being. In this piece, she reflects on her own experience with midlife change and burnout — and offers a helpful self-assessment to tell the difference.
Is It Just Me?
For a long time, I just called myself normal. Normal for a woman in her forties, juggling a teaching career and motherhood. Normal for a person who should probably drink more water and less coffee.
The problem, as it so often does, arrived disguised as standard midlife fare. I ticked all the boxes: chronic exhaustion, unrelenting muscle tension, and hormonal volatility that made every day a lottery. The general apathy and deep-seated dissatisfaction with my career seemed to fit the script, too. This is just what the forties feel like, I told myself.
That conviction kept me moving laterally. I changed jobs four times, convinced that education itself was the source of my misery. But after the fourth move, the same exact feelings followed me into the new school, the new hallway, and the new curriculum. That's when the terrifying thought hit me: Maybe it wasn’t the field. Maybe it was me. (okay…maybe it was a little bit the field of education also and I will talk about that in future blogs)
This is the crossroads where so many of us get stuck. Is it just the "midlife slump"—a temporary dip due to hormones and stress? Or is it something more serious, like burnout? The two feel confusingly similar, yet they require radically different solutions.
Here’s a quick self-assessment to help you clearly identify what you’re dealing with.
The Burnout vs. Midlife Re-evaluation Self-Quiz
For each statement, choose the number that best reflects how you have felt over the past few weeks:
Scale: 0 = Not at all | 1 = Rarely | 2 = Sometimes | 3 = Often | 4 = Almost always
Section A: Burnout Indicators (Energy Depletion)
__1. I feel physically and emotionally drained, regardless of how much I sleep.
__2. I have lost enthusiasm and struggle to bring myself to do necessary tasks (work, chores).
__3. I feel cynical and detached, especially about my primary responsibilities (job, caregiving).
__4. I doubt my abilities and feel like I'm performing poorly or am incompetent.
__5. I experience frequent, unexplainable physical complaints (headaches, stomach issues,
getting sick often).
__6. I would describe my core feeling as exhaustion and being overwhelmed.
__7. I want to escape my current life, but I'm too tired to make any actual plans.
__ Total for Section A (Burnout)
Section B: Midlife Re-evaluation Indicators (Existential Urgency)
__1. I feel intensely restless, bored, or trapped, and crave a new direction in life.
__2. I find myself constantly questioning my life choices and my overall identity or purpose.
__3. I have a strong urge to make dramatic, impulsive changes (career switch, big purchase,
intense new hobby).
__4. I frequently feel a deep sense of regret for missed opportunities or nostalgia for my
past/youth.
__5. I have a strong desire to dramatically change my physical appearance (diet, fitness,
clothes) to feel younger.
__6. I would describe my core feeling as unfulfilled and having a lack of meaning.
__7. I feel a strong need to break free from my established roles or commitments (e.g., family,
spouse, employer).
__ Total for Section B (Midlife Re-evaluation)
Interpreting Your Scores
Record your totals: Burnout Score A: _____. Midlife Re-evaluation Score B: ______
Now compare your scores.
IF A (Burnout) is significantly higher than B (Midlife Re-evaluation), THEN your feelings align strongly with Burnout. Here’s what to know and what can help:
You are primarily dealing with emotional and physical depletion caused by chronic stress.
Focus on rest, recovery, and setting boundaries.
You need energy before you can make thoughtful decisions.
IF B (Midlife Re-evaluation) is significantly higher than A (Burnout), THEN your feelings align strongly with a Midlife Re-evaluation. Here’s what to know and what can help:
You are driven by a need for meaning and fulfillment.
Focus on reflection, values, and purpose.
Explore new interests and goals before making impulsive changes.
IF A and B are high and close (within 5 points), THEN you are likely experiencing both Burnout AND Midlife Re-Evaluation. Here’s what to know and what can help:
Your exhaustion is fueling your crisis.
Prioritize addressing the Burnout first.
Get stable, then tackle the big life questions with a clear mind.
IF Both scores are low (under 10 each), THEN your current feelings may be more aligned with general stress or a temporary slump. Here’s what to know and what can help:
Focus on basic self-care (sleep, diet, movement) and identifying minor stressors you can easily eliminate to regain balance.
Clarity is the Beginning of Healing
Now that you’ve named the beast—whether it’s standard midlife chaos or chronic burnout—you are no longer guessing. That clarity is the most powerful first step.
The next question, of course, is what now?
Join me next week as we tackle one of the greatest energy thieves for women in this stage of life: The Invisible Load. We'll talk about what it is, how to spot the hidden demands it places on you, and most importantly, how we can start clearing space on our plates.
From Awareness to Action: The Next Step in Your Journey
Take a deep breath. You haven't forgotten who you are; those pieces are simply hidden under too much stuff. You have a whole network of amazing sisters right here, navigating the exact same path. Welcome to the journey of reclamation—we’re so glad you’re here.
Until next week, consider yourself hugged.
~Melissa
P.S. Next summer Amy Schamberg and I will be hosting a retreat for those wanting to deep dive into a transformation from burnout to joy. And...we'll be hosting this in sunny Portugal! More details here.
If Melissa’s reflections on midlife burnout resonated, you might also enjoy “The Invisible Load of Motherhood: How the Fair Play System Helps Women Reclaim Time and Balance,” a piece that explores the mental and emotional labor that so often fuels burnout — especially for women juggling work, family, and everything in between.
Together, these two pieces tell a bigger story: Burnout isn’t just personal, it’s structural — and understanding both the inner and outer layers is the first step toward real change.
